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paleaswater's dictum sneaks up behind me and hits me over the head. Hmm... well, I think on this the Chinese fans are like the Japanese fans: fanfics should be on crack/corrective AU... Only the original series should be in character.'Only the original series should be in character.' Rank heresy: but oh so madly and temptingly logical.
From somewhere else, quoting without book: The story doesn't need to be perfect. The story needs to be written. That should be so simple. If only the story's lack of perfection didn't get in the way of its being written.
And otherwise I finally have a copy of Vikram Seth's Three Chinese Poets. Rhymed translations from someone who knows how to rhyme.
So a few examples we've already considered:
Li Bai's farewell to Meng Haoran
Yellow Crane Terrace: my old friend bids me goodbye.And his chestnut, 静夜思
To Yangzhou in the mists and flowers of Spring he goes.
His single sail's far shadow melts in the blue void.
All I see is the sky to which the Yangtze flows.
The floor before my bed is brightMh yes well. It's the simple ones that are the real bitches to translate. However he does a not bad job with a third champing warhorse:
Moonlight- like hoarfrost- in my room.
I lift my head and watch the moon.
I drop my head and think of home.
They ask why I live in the green mountainsAnd there's a Wang Wei I rather like:
I smile and don't reply; my heart's at ease.
Peach blossoms flow downstream, leaving no trace-
And there are other earths and skies than these.
In the empty mountains, after recent rain,I think it it's even better than my favourite Robinson:
A sense of Fall comes with the evening air.
The moon is bright and shines between the pines.
Over the stones the spring-fed stream runs clear.
Bamboos rustle: washerwomen go home.
Lotuses stir: fishing boats make their way.
At its own will, the scent of Spring has gone.
But you, 'O prince of friends', of course may stay.
In the empty hills just after rainNot that I've compared the original text with either translation. But these suggest rhymed translations work best with an abab pattern (especially using half-rhymes) than with the abbb pattern (even using half-rhymes.) And rhyming couplets should be avoided, just because they go umpty-tum in English whether or no:
The evening air is autumn now
Bright moon shining between pines
Clear stream flowing over stones
Bamboos clatter- the washerwoman goes home
Lotuses shift- the fisherman's boat floats down
Of course spring scents must fail
But you, my friend, must stay.
The name of Zhu-ge Liang resounds through time.Sounds like an 18th century poet manqué. When Auden wrote 'Earth, receive an honoured guest/ William Yeats is laid to rest' he was playing with the inevitability of umpty-tum in couplets (after two unrhymed verses) and managed to turn it on its head at the end:
The statesman's likeness awes: revered, sublime.
The empire, split in three, curbed his great aim
But not the soaring feather of his fame.
He equalled Yi and Lü; if he'd gained power
Great names like Cao and Xiao would have ranked lower-
But time would not restore the Han again.
He died, devoid of hope, his plans all vain.
In the deserts of the heartBut for that to work I think you have to be a great poet-- and not working with another poet's ideas.
Let the healing fountain start,
In the prison of his days
Teach the free man how to praise.
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問余何意棲碧山，笑而不答心自閑。
桃花流水窅然去，別有天地非人間。
《山居秋暝》王維
空山新雨後， 天氣晚來秋。
明月松間照， 清泉石上流。
竹喧歸浣女， 蓮動下漁舟。
隨意春芳歇， 王孫自可留。
Also translated by the University of Virginia (http://etext.virginia.edu/chinese/frame.htm):
An Autumn Evening in the Mountains
After rain the empty mountain
Stands autumnal in the evening,
Moonlight in its groves of pine,
Stones of crystal in its brooks.
Bamboos whisper of washer-girls bound home,
Lotus-leaves yield before a fisher-boat --
And what does it matter that springtime has gone,
While you are here, O Prince of Friends?
Och. Well 《静夜思》is rather hard to do well, considering its resonance in Chinese is rahter diminished as well. 《山中问答》-- More a chestnut in English than Chinese I think, but it's a lovely translation. I like the Virginia U translation of the Wang Wei, but the Vikram Seth is both lovely and faithful. The Robinson, mm, "must stay" is a little strong for 自可留
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You're right that 山中问答 is a chestnut in English, but I wonder a little why it's not as famous in Chinese.
The UofV translation is nice, but anything with crystal in it sounds alarm bells in my mind. It's a bad-romance word, for a start; and me I feel that turning 'clear stream over stones' into 'crystal stones in the streams' is reaching just a touch.
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but I wonder a little why it's not as famous in Chinese
I expect because it's not in the collection of 300 Tang poems. Most Tang poems taught to schoolkids are taken from that text.
anything with crystal in it sounds alarm bells in my mind
Probably "stones of crystal" was supposed to go with "groves of pine." But agree that the way Seth deals with it is better.
I observe that no two translators agree on what noise bamboo makes. ^_^
Ahahaha!
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After fresh rain on the empty mountain
Comes evening and the cold of autumn
The full moon burns through the pines
A brook transparent over stones
Bamboo trees crackle as the washerwomen go home
And lotus flowers sway as a fisherman's boat slips downriver
Though the fresh smell of grass is gone
A Prince is happy in these hills.
Trns. by T Barnstone, W Barnstone & Xu Haixin
- maybe a touch simple, yet not and perhaps somewhat literal?
Also my collection has this to say of Li Bai's farewell to Meng Haoran
"From Yellow Crane Tower you sail
The river west as mist flowers bloom
A solitairy sail, far shadow, green mountains at the empty end of vision
And now, just the Yangtze River touching the sky."
- Hmmm I think methinks one day I would like to have Vikram Seth's versions too! ^__^
Thank you both for sharing.
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And me I don't see any mountains in the Farewell poem's text. I wonder where he got them from.
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Re: Mountains: hmm as the original text isn't actually in the book I have I have no way of knowing nor explaining.
Will let you know more about the text I have later, as it is on the bedside table and hubby is asleep, don't wanna go waking the poor guy up! ^__^
It seemed like a pretty book (I can be suckered in easily by pretty covers unfortunately) and a good jump off point to an introduction to Chinese poetry.
Having no idea of original text, so far most things sound like they should to my untrained ear. Ermmm if that makes sense. There are some modern poetry that does sound jarring though, but it could be the modern in it that makes it so.
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As always, your posts are informative and very interesting!
Would you please take a look at the following snippet and tell me if it is part of one of your fics?
There was a section of recollection on Sanzo's part; it was a matter of Kouryuu experiencing some confusion over puberty and physical symptoms of desire, essentially. Koumyou's advice to him was along the lines of 'Give your body what it wants and it will subside.' Some days later, Kouryuu hesitantly informed his master that 'My body wants you'; Koumyou graciously then took him to bed and let him explore. Much touching and cuddling later, Kouryuu's body achieved its satisfaction and he reluctantly offered then to let Koumyou take him, to which the answer was 'It's your body that desires mine, not the other way around'.
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And actually I wrote it in 2000. How time flies... ^^;;
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BTW... here's a link to the entry tj made that had sparked my interest. She was discussing her favorite kinks. If you look at 'kink #2' it relates to an age difference. It's in that section that she discusses your fic as an example of age difference done right.
here (http://tj-dragonblade.livejournal.com/72509.html).
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