Can you see me? I'm waiting for the right time
Wednesday, February 11th, 2026 11:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sovayMy poem "The Principle of the Thing" has been accepted by Weird Fiction Quarterly. It is the ghost poem I wrote last spring for Werner Heisenberg: 2025 finally called it out. 2026 hasn't yet rendered it démodé.
Branching off The Perceptual Form of the City (1954–59), I am still tracking down the publications of György Kepes whose debt to Gestalt psychology my mother pegged instantly from his interdisciplinary interests in perception, but my local library system furnished me with Kevin Lynch's The Image of the City (1960) and What Time Is This Place (1972) and even more than urban planning, they make me think of psychogeography. An entire chapter in the latter is entitled "Boston Time" and illustrates itself with layers of photographs of a walk down Washington Street in the present of the book's composition and its past, singling out not only buildings and former buildings but weathered milestones and ghost signs, commemorative plaques and graffiti, dates established, construction stamps, spray paint, initials in concrete. "The trees are seasonal clocks, very precise in spring and fall." "The street name refers to the edge of the ancient peninsula. (If you look closely at the ground, you can trace the outline of the former shore.)" "The railroad, which in its day was cut ruthlessly through the close-packed docks and sailing ships, is now buried in its turn." Five and a half decades behind me, the book itself is a slice of history, a snapshot in the middle of the urban renewal that Lynch evocatively and not inaccurately describes as "steamrolling." I recognize the image of the city formed by the eponymously accumulated interviews in the older book and it is a city of Theseus. Scollay Square disappeared between the two publications. Lynch's Charles River Dam isn't mine. Blankly industrial spaces on his map have gentrified in over my lifetime. Don't even ask about wayfinding by the landmarks of the skyline. I do think he would have liked the harborwalk, since it reinforces one of Boston's edges as sea. And whether I agree entirely or at all with his assertion:
If we examine the feelings that accompany daily life, we find that historic monuments occupy a small place. Our strongest emotions concern our own lives and the lives of our family or friends because we have known them personally. The crucial reminders of the past are therefore those connected with our own childhood, or with our parents' or perhaps our grandparents' lives. Remarkable things are directly associated with memorable events in those lives: births, deaths, marriages, partings, graduations. To live in the same surroundings that one recalls from earliest memories is a satisfaction denied to most Americans today. The continuity of kin lacks a corresponding continuity of place. We are interested in a street on which our father may have lived as a boy; it helps to explain him to us and strengthens our own sense of identity, But our grandfather or great-grandfather, whom we never knew, is already in the remote past; his house is "historical."
it is impossible for me not to read it and hear "Isn't the house you were born in the most interesting house in the world to you? Don't you want to know how your father lived, and his father? Well, there are more ways than one of getting close to your ancestors." None of mine came from this city I walk.
The rest of my day has been a landfill on fire.
Branching off The Perceptual Form of the City (1954–59), I am still tracking down the publications of György Kepes whose debt to Gestalt psychology my mother pegged instantly from his interdisciplinary interests in perception, but my local library system furnished me with Kevin Lynch's The Image of the City (1960) and What Time Is This Place (1972) and even more than urban planning, they make me think of psychogeography. An entire chapter in the latter is entitled "Boston Time" and illustrates itself with layers of photographs of a walk down Washington Street in the present of the book's composition and its past, singling out not only buildings and former buildings but weathered milestones and ghost signs, commemorative plaques and graffiti, dates established, construction stamps, spray paint, initials in concrete. "The trees are seasonal clocks, very precise in spring and fall." "The street name refers to the edge of the ancient peninsula. (If you look closely at the ground, you can trace the outline of the former shore.)" "The railroad, which in its day was cut ruthlessly through the close-packed docks and sailing ships, is now buried in its turn." Five and a half decades behind me, the book itself is a slice of history, a snapshot in the middle of the urban renewal that Lynch evocatively and not inaccurately describes as "steamrolling." I recognize the image of the city formed by the eponymously accumulated interviews in the older book and it is a city of Theseus. Scollay Square disappeared between the two publications. Lynch's Charles River Dam isn't mine. Blankly industrial spaces on his map have gentrified in over my lifetime. Don't even ask about wayfinding by the landmarks of the skyline. I do think he would have liked the harborwalk, since it reinforces one of Boston's edges as sea. And whether I agree entirely or at all with his assertion:
If we examine the feelings that accompany daily life, we find that historic monuments occupy a small place. Our strongest emotions concern our own lives and the lives of our family or friends because we have known them personally. The crucial reminders of the past are therefore those connected with our own childhood, or with our parents' or perhaps our grandparents' lives. Remarkable things are directly associated with memorable events in those lives: births, deaths, marriages, partings, graduations. To live in the same surroundings that one recalls from earliest memories is a satisfaction denied to most Americans today. The continuity of kin lacks a corresponding continuity of place. We are interested in a street on which our father may have lived as a boy; it helps to explain him to us and strengthens our own sense of identity, But our grandfather or great-grandfather, whom we never knew, is already in the remote past; his house is "historical."
it is impossible for me not to read it and hear "Isn't the house you were born in the most interesting house in the world to you? Don't you want to know how your father lived, and his father? Well, there are more ways than one of getting close to your ancestors." None of mine came from this city I walk.
The rest of my day has been a landfill on fire.
WitchHazel of Sleet
Wednesday, February 11th, 2026 08:45 pmismoThe last couple of days, we've had evening activities, and I've been too tired to post afterwards. Monday it was our Zoom book club, Tuesday it was my women's group meeting to celebrate Strawberry Star's birthday. Tonight we unexpectedly had another evening out, but I'm not quite as beat. This is rather surprising, because I went to visit Madame for the first time in almost a month. She was much as usual. Same concerns, same obsessions, perhaps a little bit less physically able. She was pretty cheerful and happy to see me, however. I brought her some coffee, and the helpers kindly brought her lunch plate to her room so we could chat over lunch. Toward the end of our visit, she had trouble getting to the bathroom, and I found out where the "help me" button was, and pushed it! She needed a change of clothing, and was content to let the helper do it and say goodbye to me. I feel good about knowing how to summon assistance.
Our old friends at the Unitarian Church, the Dirty Bastards, had a get-together last month, but we were not able to join in. We got another short notice invitation for tonight, and because the Sparrowhawk has been on hiatus from the gym due to eye surgery, we decided that we could go. But first I took him back to the eye doctor to have his final check on the new eye. He actually could have driven himself, because it turned out that they didn't dilate his pupils. But I didn't mind taking him there. They said everything looks good, and claimed he now has 20/20 vision in that eye! This is great news. From there, we drove to the UPS store to mail off the papers for our insurance claim on the car, and then to the Dirty Bastards dinner. Five of the others were there; not everyone was able to come. But that was enough for a happy gathering. The occasion was the 22nd anniversary of the group. Three of those present had been there since the beginning! We were the most junior members. It was a lot like seeing relatives. Everyone was a little older, a little grayer. We might not see eye to eye on everything, but there was enough nostalgia, enough shared concerns, to make the evening warm.
Our old friends at the Unitarian Church, the Dirty Bastards, had a get-together last month, but we were not able to join in. We got another short notice invitation for tonight, and because the Sparrowhawk has been on hiatus from the gym due to eye surgery, we decided that we could go. But first I took him back to the eye doctor to have his final check on the new eye. He actually could have driven himself, because it turned out that they didn't dilate his pupils. But I didn't mind taking him there. They said everything looks good, and claimed he now has 20/20 vision in that eye! This is great news. From there, we drove to the UPS store to mail off the papers for our insurance claim on the car, and then to the Dirty Bastards dinner. Five of the others were there; not everyone was able to come. But that was enough for a happy gathering. The occasion was the 22nd anniversary of the group. Three of those present had been there since the beginning! We were the most junior members. It was a lot like seeing relatives. Everyone was a little older, a little grayer. We might not see eye to eye on everything, but there was enough nostalgia, enough shared concerns, to make the evening warm.
Bundle of Holding: Neon City Overdrive (from 2022)
Wednesday, February 11th, 2026 02:03 pmjames_davis_nicoll
The revived May 2022 Neon City Overdrive Bundle featuring the fast-playing cyberpunk tabletop roleplaying game Neon City Overdrive from Peril Planet.
Bundle of Holding: Neon City Overdrive (from 2022)
Katabasis, by R.F. Kuang
Wednesday, February 11th, 2026 05:06 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
fromtheheartofeurope_feedSecond paragraph of chapter three:
“Been here for ages—”
‘Katabasis’ means descent to the underworld, and here Alice Law, a Cambridge postgraduate student of magick, enters Hell with her classmate to try and rescue their tutor, who has died in a magical experiment gone wrong. It began rather well, as a carefully constructed fantasy afterworld leaning on Virgil and especially Dante, with a stark sparsely described landscape inhabited by the souls of the dead. Symbolic logic turns out to be key to dealing with both magick and the afterlife.
But the metaphor of Hell being a graduate studies programme is laid on very thick, and there is a section about two thirds of the way through the (very long) book where I began to feel that I couldn’t take it quite as seriously as may have been intended. Also the plot really narrows down quite quickly to the point where only one ending is possible, and it duly gets there.
So I don’t think I’ll be nominating it for the Hugos, though I’m pretty sure it will get on the ballot anyway and, depending on what else is there, it will have a decent shot at winning, as Babel should have done in 2023. You can get Katabasis here.
Wednesday is still not sleeping very well
Wednesday, February 11th, 2026 04:04 pmoursinWhat I read
Finished Cakes and Ale, which is partly that early C20th litfic convention of a first-person narrator who just happens be around to hear a lot about the actual protags and the plot or at critical moments of same, but actually complicates it with Ashenden knowing that Rosie is not actually dead as everyone else supposes. Not sure the ending really worked.
I then, having got into an Edwardian/Georgian novelist rhythm, went 'ah! time for some Arnold Bennett! the one about the hotel', except I picked up The Grand Babylon Hotel (1902), which is 1900s thriller hijinx mode with European royalty shenanigans, false identities, etc etc (though I was wondering whether it might adapt into a screwball comedy movie?), and wasn't actually the one I'd read many years ago that I was thinking of.
Which was Imperial Palace (1930), which struck me as, although lacking the highspeed thriller plot element, remarkably like D Francis in its fascination for infrastructure (in this case, running a luxury hotel in London) and competence porn. The running-the-hotel bits and the trials posed for the new supervising housekeeper are, perhaps, at least these days, more interesting than the bits involving Hotel Manager and Rich Man's Daughter Gracie. To give her (and actually, Bennett as author) her due, she is not, whereas she would be in a lot of novels by his contemporaries, an unmitigated bitch (Aldous Huxley's Lucy Tantamount) or a tragic bitch (Michael Arlen's Iris Storm), she has some good points and was a competent racing driver, but she is still annoyingly entitled and egocentric.
I took a break from this because I suddenly had a whim to re-read Mary Renault, The King Must Die (1958) for the first time in absolute yonks. You know, Mary, the sexism and misogyny is not entirely just being Accurate for Period, is it, hmmmm? There is some great stuff in there, but.
On the go
Imperial Palace is very long, and still on the go.
Up next
I think I am up for some Agatha Christie, seriously.
Night of the Living Cat, volume 1 by Hawkman & Mecha-Roots
Wednesday, February 11th, 2026 09:08 amjames_davis_nicoll
Humanity faces its final threat: the common house cat!
Night of the Living Cat, volume 1 by Hawkman & Mecha-Roots
(no subject)
Wednesday, February 11th, 2026 08:00 amskygiantsPicking up a book called Part Time Girl about a high school kid who switches (physically, magically, inconveniently) back and forth between Being A Boy and Being A Girl, I was like, okay, I know pretty much what the vibes of this are going to be. And the first couple chapters in which protagonist Michael/Kayla worries about a Sort Of Girlfriend and a Hot Boy and I Have Taken This Part Time Job As A Girl But Now I Need Girl Clothes, Bra Shopping! So Stressful!! did not really lead me to think anything different!
Then about 40% of the way through the book our protagonist was suddenly running through the woods from evil wizards, and I'm like, okay, this I did not expect.
It turns out the plot of this book is NOT high school drama and figuring out your complicated gender feelings! The plot of this book is that evil racist homophobic wealthy wizards called the Clan (yes) run the world and you have to team up with your traumatized neighbor to fight them, while also figuring out your complicated gender feelings along the way.
Also, the protagonist and the traumatized neighbor bond by hanging out and watching the 2014 kdrama Healer, the plot and cast of which is lovingly described in text. This is in fact plot relevant because they later use their arguments over which cast member is hotter to prove their identities to each other when it's in question. Now I do love Healer but given that it came out, again, in 2014 and I haven't heard anyone talk about it pop culturally in more than a decade, this possibly surprised me even more than the evil wizards.
I can confidently say that at no point did I predict some of the major turns this book took, and I will put them under a spoiler in case you, too, would like to experience this Experience as I confidently believe it was meant to be Experienced: ( here we go! for the ride! )
Then about 40% of the way through the book our protagonist was suddenly running through the woods from evil wizards, and I'm like, okay, this I did not expect.
It turns out the plot of this book is NOT high school drama and figuring out your complicated gender feelings! The plot of this book is that evil racist homophobic wealthy wizards called the Clan (yes) run the world and you have to team up with your traumatized neighbor to fight them, while also figuring out your complicated gender feelings along the way.
Also, the protagonist and the traumatized neighbor bond by hanging out and watching the 2014 kdrama Healer, the plot and cast of which is lovingly described in text. This is in fact plot relevant because they later use their arguments over which cast member is hotter to prove their identities to each other when it's in question. Now I do love Healer but given that it came out, again, in 2014 and I haven't heard anyone talk about it pop culturally in more than a decade, this possibly surprised me even more than the evil wizards.
I can confidently say that at no point did I predict some of the major turns this book took, and I will put them under a spoiler in case you, too, would like to experience this Experience as I confidently believe it was meant to be Experienced: ( here we go! for the ride! )
force is machine
Tuesday, February 10th, 2026 10:47 pmthe_siobhanDear Father, it has been a month since my last confession.
I am so tired, y'all. I've been working overtime for the past three weeks trying to stash some money away for the inevitable basement bullshit and it's been exhausting. (You wouldn't think a job that requires sitting at a desk would be tiring, but I feel like somebody threw sand in my eyes by the end of the day.)
Permit-wrangler is still trying to find an engineer. Apparently the problem is that I can't just dig a hole and have an engineer look at it and yes the foundations are good, they have to figure out how to reverse-engineer whatever was done to create new drawings - and that's going to be expensive regardless.
I sicc'd permit-wrangler on the engineer who got the original permits. "Tell him if he helps me out I might leave him out of the lawsuit."
***
I looked out my window this morning and there was a huge raptor in the trees behind my house. Couldn't get a clear enough view to make a guess at what it was but at least twice the size of the red-tail hawks I normally see back there.
I reiterated to the venerable Lord Brock that no, he is not going outside no matter how much he bonks his head on the window. (He is enormously offended by the squirrels.)
***
Last time I visited my dad I took my laptop over and started quizzing him about family. His memory is shot, but he does remember incidents from his childhood. What's hilarious is that he remembers the kids who pissed him off - I suggested one possible connection and he was all, "Oh yeah, Joey, he visited from the States. What a little prick."
He also remembered the aunt who baked cookies and the heavy-drinking aunt who was a huge bruiser and all the men were afraid of her. So if they left an impression he had me stories about them, even if he doesn't remember how they're related to him.
***
Somebody here was talking about how Skip The Dishes made up a new address for them, and it reminded me that I had the exact experience last time I ordered from them. The system sent the driver to an address a couple of blocks away and I only caught it because I got the ping that the order was five minutes away and when I looked at the map I didn't recognize the streets.
Calling their customer service did nothing because the driver was already showing as "arrived". But as soon as I hung up I got a call from the driver because the address they had given him was a park, so I was able to redirect him and get my food after all.
***
We have reached the part of the winter where I start to worry that I have run out of places to put snow. My yard is maybe five feet square and the snow is already piled up in a pyramid.
I keep wanting to go out with a hose and ice it up and build an igloo or something.
I am so tired, y'all. I've been working overtime for the past three weeks trying to stash some money away for the inevitable basement bullshit and it's been exhausting. (You wouldn't think a job that requires sitting at a desk would be tiring, but I feel like somebody threw sand in my eyes by the end of the day.)
Permit-wrangler is still trying to find an engineer. Apparently the problem is that I can't just dig a hole and have an engineer look at it and yes the foundations are good, they have to figure out how to reverse-engineer whatever was done to create new drawings - and that's going to be expensive regardless.
I sicc'd permit-wrangler on the engineer who got the original permits. "Tell him if he helps me out I might leave him out of the lawsuit."
***
I looked out my window this morning and there was a huge raptor in the trees behind my house. Couldn't get a clear enough view to make a guess at what it was but at least twice the size of the red-tail hawks I normally see back there.
I reiterated to the venerable Lord Brock that no, he is not going outside no matter how much he bonks his head on the window. (He is enormously offended by the squirrels.)
***
Last time I visited my dad I took my laptop over and started quizzing him about family. His memory is shot, but he does remember incidents from his childhood. What's hilarious is that he remembers the kids who pissed him off - I suggested one possible connection and he was all, "Oh yeah, Joey, he visited from the States. What a little prick."
He also remembered the aunt who baked cookies and the heavy-drinking aunt who was a huge bruiser and all the men were afraid of her. So if they left an impression he had me stories about them, even if he doesn't remember how they're related to him.
***
Somebody here was talking about how Skip The Dishes made up a new address for them, and it reminded me that I had the exact experience last time I ordered from them. The system sent the driver to an address a couple of blocks away and I only caught it because I got the ping that the order was five minutes away and when I looked at the map I didn't recognize the streets.
Calling their customer service did nothing because the driver was already showing as "arrived". But as soon as I hung up I got a call from the driver because the address they had given him was a park, so I was able to redirect him and get my food after all.
***
We have reached the part of the winter where I start to worry that I have run out of places to put snow. My yard is maybe five feet square and the snow is already piled up in a pyramid.
I keep wanting to go out with a hose and ice it up and build an igloo or something.
Philadelphia, PA 2026 Week 1 part 1: Air Travel, Foot Travel, Reunions Over Dim Sum
Tuesday, February 10th, 2026 09:06 pmtaz_39**Disclaimer** The views and opinions expressed in this post are my own, and do not reflect the views or opinions of my employer. DO NOT RESHARE ANY PART OF THIS POST WITHOUT PERMISSION. Thank you.
This post covers Monday and Tuesday.
--- --- --- --- --- ---
Previous Visits: I have been to Philly before, but that was more than a decade ago and so it's not even worth mentioning. Let's hope I find time for touristy stuff during this visit!
--- --- --- --- --- ---
MONDAY
Travel day! I was up early for breakfast and to finish "resetting" my airbnb to it's original state. There's no desk so I'd moved a few things kind of weirdly to create my own faux desk, haha. Uber came to get me right on time, and I had no trouble at the airport or with the first flight.
But our second flight was delayed significantly (about 3 hours.) We found out later that it was because our original plane had a cabin pressure issue(!) that was significant enough that the plane would need 24-48 hours in the shop(!!) I was disappointed with the delay, but oh my goodness, I'd rather be mildly disappointed and Arrive Alive!!
We finally got to Philly around 8:30, luggage at 9. I tried to get an Uber but they were a 10-15 minute wait so I went old-school and got an actual airport cab. $40 later I was at the hotel, checked in, and unpacking. I wish I could share which hotel but that will have to wait for when we've left town. I lucked out with a corner room, meaning I have a great view and nearly wrap-around windows!!
After unpacking I was up rather late making arrangements for my presentation at Delaware State University. Travel logistics, asking the host about what equipment is available, whether I need a parking pass, stuff like that. Oh, and we finally got info about the in-ear monitors that Disney will be providing for us!! I made sure to submit the form right away because EXCITING! My own in-ears are 10 years old, so these new ones will be an improvement no matter what. I'm very grateful for them!
By the way, forgot to share these pictures that Kizzi (my circus friend) took last week in Fayetteville.
Here I am in my office: the pit, that mysterious hole where music is produced at theatre shows.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
TUESDAY
I was up earlier than usual, anxious to get my stinkin' groceries. But the stores here don't open until around 9am. First I hit hotel breakfast. It was "ok." I got some hot oatmeal and boiled eggs and coffee. Then since it seems like I don't have neighbors in the rooms next door yet, I ran through my masterclass (47 minutes.) Next, off to MOM's Market which is a smallish chain similar to Sprouts. They had lots of lovely things and I picked up about 1/2 of my typical groceries, then walked to Whole Paycheck for the rest.
Some newish items that I'll get to try this week: Merzbacher's Sweet Potato Buns, Mayana Spring Passion Mini Bar, and Ivy City Pineapple Black Pepper Salmon Jerky! Not sure if I'll do a food review or not because the schedule here is SO intense that I may not have time.
Back at the hotel I put everything away and ate lunch, then bundled back up and walked to an H&M down the street, hopeful to find my very favoritest black dress pants. Nope! They had them in XL but not my size. Popped into a Ross Dress for Less and they had my favorite underwear so I did pick up a pack of those. Swung into Reading Terminal Market and immediately regretted it because they have SO MUCH that I want!! Whoopie pies and Belgian candies and Amish meats and farm eggs and...ugh! At some point this week I want to eat a meal in there.
(Stock image courtesy Matadornetwork.com)
Returned to the hotel and spent some time chilling out, as that had been significant walking. Forgot to mention that here in Philly I have already seen two Waymo vans! Supposedly they are not driverless just yet. I haven't been close enough to look.
(Stock image courtesy Phl17)
Around dinnertime I met some circus friends for dim sum! From left to right: Alan, who was sound crew on the circus; Rob, who was our manager on Ringling and is a Tour Manager with the redesigned show today; Alan's wife Jenna, who was a circus teacher; and me.
This was such a treat, not only seeing these peeps again but also eating dim sum because it's not really meant for solo diners so I never get to have it. We split two kinds of soup dumplings, scallion pancakes, a fried pork noodle dish, steamed veggie dumplings, and shrimp skewers. It wasn't the best I've had but it was reasonably good, especially those juicy dumplings, yum! We got caught up as best we could in this short time. To be honest I feel like there is so much to reconnect over that we could never cover it in one meal. Alan is on tour with a popular Queen cover band and is currently on a break. His partner Jenna is still teaching though I thoughtlessly didn't think to ask where, and she is keeping herself busy when Alan is away on tour. Rob is of course managing the Ringling show and is extremely busy with that. It's possible-but-unlikely that I could attend a circus show on Monday depending on when the Temple masterclass is...I hope it happens, but won't hold my breath.
Too soon we had to part ways. But I was glad to get this time with my dear friends and circus colleagues.
Back at the hotel I had some tea to calm my nerves...(Trigger Warning for descriptions of anxiety, highlight white text to read: Over the years I have found that pretty much ANY stressful situation can trigger my fight or flight. It is random. Sometimes the trigger is standing in front of a crowd giving a masterclass; sometimes it's meeting with friends to catch up; sometimes it's even grocery shopping. When it first started happening I would freak out, hyperventilate, and make things worse thinking that I was having some sort of medical episode. But over the years I've learned to recognize that my body is expressing intense anxiety and then trying all sorts of things to get me to leave the situation. And I have learned to ignore it. Tonight I was distracted for the entire evening by a thing my body was doing to try and force me to take the "flight" option. Even though it was distracting and painful I ignored it...and knew afterward that it had been anxiety because as soon as I got back to my hotel room I felt fine. A shower and hot cup of tea helped. And I didn't give in, and got to enjoy the time with my friends anyway. Take that, evolution!) (END)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday: Opening day here in Philly! The usual thing of getting into my trunk, setting up, etc etc before the evening show.
Thursday: Two shows so I have nothing else planned. I think that Koz will be in the audience to listen, yeeeek! I want to do my best!
This post covers Monday and Tuesday.
--- --- --- --- --- ---
Previous Visits: I have been to Philly before, but that was more than a decade ago and so it's not even worth mentioning. Let's hope I find time for touristy stuff during this visit!
--- --- --- --- --- ---
MONDAY
Travel day! I was up early for breakfast and to finish "resetting" my airbnb to it's original state. There's no desk so I'd moved a few things kind of weirdly to create my own faux desk, haha. Uber came to get me right on time, and I had no trouble at the airport or with the first flight.
But our second flight was delayed significantly (about 3 hours.) We found out later that it was because our original plane had a cabin pressure issue(!) that was significant enough that the plane would need 24-48 hours in the shop(!!) I was disappointed with the delay, but oh my goodness, I'd rather be mildly disappointed and Arrive Alive!!
We finally got to Philly around 8:30, luggage at 9. I tried to get an Uber but they were a 10-15 minute wait so I went old-school and got an actual airport cab. $40 later I was at the hotel, checked in, and unpacking. I wish I could share which hotel but that will have to wait for when we've left town. I lucked out with a corner room, meaning I have a great view and nearly wrap-around windows!!
After unpacking I was up rather late making arrangements for my presentation at Delaware State University. Travel logistics, asking the host about what equipment is available, whether I need a parking pass, stuff like that. Oh, and we finally got info about the in-ear monitors that Disney will be providing for us!! I made sure to submit the form right away because EXCITING! My own in-ears are 10 years old, so these new ones will be an improvement no matter what. I'm very grateful for them!
By the way, forgot to share these pictures that Kizzi (my circus friend) took last week in Fayetteville.
Here I am in my office: the pit, that mysterious hole where music is produced at theatre shows.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
TUESDAY
I was up earlier than usual, anxious to get my stinkin' groceries. But the stores here don't open until around 9am. First I hit hotel breakfast. It was "ok." I got some hot oatmeal and boiled eggs and coffee. Then since it seems like I don't have neighbors in the rooms next door yet, I ran through my masterclass (47 minutes.) Next, off to MOM's Market which is a smallish chain similar to Sprouts. They had lots of lovely things and I picked up about 1/2 of my typical groceries, then walked to Whole Paycheck for the rest.
Some newish items that I'll get to try this week: Merzbacher's Sweet Potato Buns, Mayana Spring Passion Mini Bar, and Ivy City Pineapple Black Pepper Salmon Jerky! Not sure if I'll do a food review or not because the schedule here is SO intense that I may not have time.
Back at the hotel I put everything away and ate lunch, then bundled back up and walked to an H&M down the street, hopeful to find my very favoritest black dress pants. Nope! They had them in XL but not my size. Popped into a Ross Dress for Less and they had my favorite underwear so I did pick up a pack of those. Swung into Reading Terminal Market and immediately regretted it because they have SO MUCH that I want!! Whoopie pies and Belgian candies and Amish meats and farm eggs and...ugh! At some point this week I want to eat a meal in there.
(Stock image courtesy Matadornetwork.com)
Returned to the hotel and spent some time chilling out, as that had been significant walking. Forgot to mention that here in Philly I have already seen two Waymo vans! Supposedly they are not driverless just yet. I haven't been close enough to look.
(Stock image courtesy Phl17)
Around dinnertime I met some circus friends for dim sum! From left to right: Alan, who was sound crew on the circus; Rob, who was our manager on Ringling and is a Tour Manager with the redesigned show today; Alan's wife Jenna, who was a circus teacher; and me.
This was such a treat, not only seeing these peeps again but also eating dim sum because it's not really meant for solo diners so I never get to have it. We split two kinds of soup dumplings, scallion pancakes, a fried pork noodle dish, steamed veggie dumplings, and shrimp skewers. It wasn't the best I've had but it was reasonably good, especially those juicy dumplings, yum! We got caught up as best we could in this short time. To be honest I feel like there is so much to reconnect over that we could never cover it in one meal. Alan is on tour with a popular Queen cover band and is currently on a break. His partner Jenna is still teaching though I thoughtlessly didn't think to ask where, and she is keeping herself busy when Alan is away on tour. Rob is of course managing the Ringling show and is extremely busy with that. It's possible-but-unlikely that I could attend a circus show on Monday depending on when the Temple masterclass is...I hope it happens, but won't hold my breath.
Too soon we had to part ways. But I was glad to get this time with my dear friends and circus colleagues.
Back at the hotel I had some tea to calm my nerves...(Trigger Warning for descriptions of anxiety, highlight white text to read: Over the years I have found that pretty much ANY stressful situation can trigger my fight or flight. It is random. Sometimes the trigger is standing in front of a crowd giving a masterclass; sometimes it's meeting with friends to catch up; sometimes it's even grocery shopping. When it first started happening I would freak out, hyperventilate, and make things worse thinking that I was having some sort of medical episode. But over the years I've learned to recognize that my body is expressing intense anxiety and then trying all sorts of things to get me to leave the situation. And I have learned to ignore it. Tonight I was distracted for the entire evening by a thing my body was doing to try and force me to take the "flight" option. Even though it was distracting and painful I ignored it...and knew afterward that it had been anxiety because as soon as I got back to my hotel room I felt fine. A shower and hot cup of tea helped. And I didn't give in, and got to enjoy the time with my friends anyway. Take that, evolution!) (END)
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Wednesday: Opening day here in Philly! The usual thing of getting into my trunk, setting up, etc etc before the evening show.
Thursday: Two shows so I have nothing else planned. I think that Koz will be in the audience to listen, yeeeek! I want to do my best!
The Black Fantastic: 20 Afrofuturist Stories, ed. andré m. carrington (2025) [part 1]
Tuesday, February 10th, 2026 06:28 pmpauraqueThis is the first part of my book club notes on The Black Fantastic: 20 Afrofuturist Stories. I appreciated the editor's introduction, which highlights connections between the oppressive realities of the past and present to the spark of Black speculative imagination—how can things be different, and whose ideas will shape the future? He's written a nonfiction book on this topic, Speculative Blackness, which I would be interested to check out.
Interesting to note that this collection places the stories in chronological order of first publication. We've had a number of conversations about how editors arrange stories in anthologies (similar themes together? most significant stories first and last?) and this is the first time I've seen this approach. It was mentioned that some books the group read before I joined did this as well, but those were more historical overviews that spanned a longer period of time, while these stories are all from the last 25 years. Perhaps the intention is to suggest a new history still being written.
There was also some discussion of the physical book itself having a good design and high quality paper and feeling nice to hold in the hand, to which I could add nothing because I have the ebook.
"Herbal" by Nalo Hopkinson (2002)
( An elephant suddenly appears in a woman's apartment. )
"All That Touches the Air" by An Owomoyela (2011)
( A human colony exists in uneasy equilibrium with aliens who can parasitize and control people's bodies. )
"Bludgeon" by Thaddeus Howze (2013)
( Conquering aliens are persuaded to wager the fate of Earth on a game of baseball. )
"A Guide to the Fruits of Hawai'i" by Alaya Dawn Johnson (2014)
( In a world dominated by vampires, a human woman collaborates with them to save herself. )
Interesting to note that this collection places the stories in chronological order of first publication. We've had a number of conversations about how editors arrange stories in anthologies (similar themes together? most significant stories first and last?) and this is the first time I've seen this approach. It was mentioned that some books the group read before I joined did this as well, but those were more historical overviews that spanned a longer period of time, while these stories are all from the last 25 years. Perhaps the intention is to suggest a new history still being written.
There was also some discussion of the physical book itself having a good design and high quality paper and feeling nice to hold in the hand, to which I could add nothing because I have the ebook.
"Herbal" by Nalo Hopkinson (2002)
( An elephant suddenly appears in a woman's apartment. )
"All That Touches the Air" by An Owomoyela (2011)
( A human colony exists in uneasy equilibrium with aliens who can parasitize and control people's bodies. )
"Bludgeon" by Thaddeus Howze (2013)
( Conquering aliens are persuaded to wager the fate of Earth on a game of baseball. )
"A Guide to the Fruits of Hawai'i" by Alaya Dawn Johnson (2014)
( In a world dominated by vampires, a human woman collaborates with them to save herself. )
Tags:
- book club,
- books,
- books: author: alaya dawn johnson,
- books: author: an owomoyela,
- books: author: nalo hopkinson,
- books: author: thaddeus howze,
- books: editor: andré m. carrington,
- books: genre: horror,
- books: genre: science fiction,
- books: genre: speculative fiction,
- books: theme: aliens,
- books: theme: vampires,
- books: type: short stories,
- books: year: 2002,
- books: year: 2011,
- books: year: 2013,
- books: year: 2014,
- books: year: 2025
Monday Media (on Tuesday) - February 9
Tuesday, February 10th, 2026 05:50 pmlebateleurToday was one of those days I had no choice but to drive, because I had no choice but to go to a transit-inaccessible worksite.
Today the Peace Monks came to DC. Because the Peace Monks came to DC, the final 3 miles of my commute took two hours and 17 minutes to complete. I can walk 10 and a half miles in that same amount of time.
And I would have walked those three—or even 10.5—miles, except the city still has not bothered to remove the snow, meaning there was nowhere I could have parked my car without screwing over every other car behind me, Everybody Hurts style. (I have, on more than one occasion in the past when traffic wasstupid American, parked my car on the street, walked home, and then walked back to retrieve it at some later time.) By the 60 minute mark, people were throwing on their left turn signals, pulling into said lane, and then "realizing" that they'd meant to go straight all along, fucking everyone else who'd been waiting over. By the 90 minute mark, people were pulling into oncoming lanes and gunning it as far forward as they could before forcing themselves back into the head of the lane they wanted to be in all along as soon as oncoming traffic showed up. And maybe I could have got home faster if I'd acted similarly, but I do not have the confidence? Shittiness? Confident shittiness? Shitty confidence? To try it myself.
At about an hour into this shitshow, when I still though I'd be home in under a quarter of a work day, I was like, "Huh. Never thought I would actually want try a Durge playthrough, but maybe I will."
Then I spent another 75 minutes in the car, during which time I traveled a whopping 1.4 miles.
And you know what? No. At that point I had moved welllllll beyond a mere Durge playthrough. I get the appeal now. I UNDERSTAND HOW BHAALISTS ARE MADE YOUR IDEAS ARE INTRIGUING TO ME AND I WISH TO SUBSCRIBE TO YOUR NEWSLETTER ALL HAIL THE LORD OF MURDER.
Eh-hem.
Anyway. I consumed some media last week, do you want to hear about it?
Games: More Fishy, Squishy, Crusty, Quirky, which has become our go-to game for those "Huh, we have 27 random minutes to kill, what will we do with them?" situations.
I came home from a long day at work Thursday to a message from the resident who'd gone incommunicado after proposing a game night some weeks back had messaged again to say, "7:30 tonight." This occasioned some angst (Oh god, I have to do a socializing) but it turned out the other resident who expressed interest couldn't make it, so I got my introvert evening after all.
Two Geek BBQers had us over for dinner and games Saturday night. We played Jaws, a new-to-all-of-us game. I have no particular feelings about the movie one way or another but still enjoyed the game, which is essentially a simplified version of Betrayal at the House in the Hill. Three players playing as Brody, Hooper, and Quint cooperate to defeat the fourth player (who is obviously playing as Jaws). The game has two acts: the first on Amity Island, where all four players need to use different combinations of skills and movement to save as many swimmers as possible and locate Jaws. Once located, the game moves into the second act on the Orca, where characters attempt to kill Jaws before it kills them. The game introduces a bunch of new mechanics and abilities for each player at this point along with a much more complicated round structure. We managed it well enough but it's not the smoothest transition, nor one you could wing without frequent guidebook consultation. TL;DR—it's a fun enough game but one fans of the movie will probably get the most out of, as the comparative lack of randomization would make it pretty repetitive after awhile.
Music: One of the Monday house session folks hosted me at their place last Friday for a mini-session. It was WONDERFUL. Just two players (one full melody, one melody + chords), both of whom belong in the "slower with ornaments and rhythmic variation" camp versus the "125 BPM ride or die" camp. Bonus benefit: we could both hear ourselves playing. Additional bonus benefit: you can't hide when there are only two people playing, so those tricky bits? We actually had to correct them.
We wrapped up 30 minutes earlier than initially planned (important because the original finish time was when the GC and I had planned to meet at favorite Chinese takeout place for dinner). I considered calling to see if he could head down early, but this beautiful, twinkling snow was falling, like fairytale 3D snowflakes, so I spent the 30 minutes walking around the neighborhood, almost the only person out, enjoying the sights and the stillness, and the crackly, tinkling sound of the snow falling all around me.
Podcasts/Articles: I read a bunch of articles this week, but nothing that I'd consider longform. Still no podcasts.
Roleplaying: Still nothing.
Television: Does binging cute parrot, cat, or bunny videos count?
Video Games: Nothing this week, as I spent my gaming time reading books, and then drafting reviews of the same.
これで以上です。
Today the Peace Monks came to DC. Because the Peace Monks came to DC, the final 3 miles of my commute took two hours and 17 minutes to complete. I can walk 10 and a half miles in that same amount of time.
And I would have walked those three—or even 10.5—miles, except the city still has not bothered to remove the snow, meaning there was nowhere I could have parked my car without screwing over every other car behind me, Everybody Hurts style. (I have, on more than one occasion in the past when traffic was
At about an hour into this shitshow, when I still though I'd be home in under a quarter of a work day, I was like, "Huh. Never thought I would actually want try a Durge playthrough, but maybe I will."
Then I spent another 75 minutes in the car, during which time I traveled a whopping 1.4 miles.
And you know what? No. At that point I had moved welllllll beyond a mere Durge playthrough. I get the appeal now. I UNDERSTAND HOW BHAALISTS ARE MADE YOUR IDEAS ARE INTRIGUING TO ME AND I WISH TO SUBSCRIBE TO YOUR NEWSLETTER ALL HAIL THE LORD OF MURDER.
Eh-hem.
Anyway. I consumed some media last week, do you want to hear about it?
Games: More Fishy, Squishy, Crusty, Quirky, which has become our go-to game for those "Huh, we have 27 random minutes to kill, what will we do with them?" situations.
I came home from a long day at work Thursday to a message from the resident who'd gone incommunicado after proposing a game night some weeks back had messaged again to say, "7:30 tonight." This occasioned some angst (Oh god, I have to do a socializing) but it turned out the other resident who expressed interest couldn't make it, so I got my introvert evening after all.
Two Geek BBQers had us over for dinner and games Saturday night. We played Jaws, a new-to-all-of-us game. I have no particular feelings about the movie one way or another but still enjoyed the game, which is essentially a simplified version of Betrayal at the House in the Hill. Three players playing as Brody, Hooper, and Quint cooperate to defeat the fourth player (who is obviously playing as Jaws). The game has two acts: the first on Amity Island, where all four players need to use different combinations of skills and movement to save as many swimmers as possible and locate Jaws. Once located, the game moves into the second act on the Orca, where characters attempt to kill Jaws before it kills them. The game introduces a bunch of new mechanics and abilities for each player at this point along with a much more complicated round structure. We managed it well enough but it's not the smoothest transition, nor one you could wing without frequent guidebook consultation. TL;DR—it's a fun enough game but one fans of the movie will probably get the most out of, as the comparative lack of randomization would make it pretty repetitive after awhile.
Music: One of the Monday house session folks hosted me at their place last Friday for a mini-session. It was WONDERFUL. Just two players (one full melody, one melody + chords), both of whom belong in the "slower with ornaments and rhythmic variation" camp versus the "125 BPM ride or die" camp. Bonus benefit: we could both hear ourselves playing. Additional bonus benefit: you can't hide when there are only two people playing, so those tricky bits? We actually had to correct them.
We wrapped up 30 minutes earlier than initially planned (important because the original finish time was when the GC and I had planned to meet at favorite Chinese takeout place for dinner). I considered calling to see if he could head down early, but this beautiful, twinkling snow was falling, like fairytale 3D snowflakes, so I spent the 30 minutes walking around the neighborhood, almost the only person out, enjoying the sights and the stillness, and the crackly, tinkling sound of the snow falling all around me.
Podcasts/Articles: I read a bunch of articles this week, but nothing that I'd consider longform. Still no podcasts.
Roleplaying: Still nothing.
Television: Does binging cute parrot, cat, or bunny videos count?
Video Games: Nothing this week, as I spent my gaming time reading books, and then drafting reviews of the same.
これで以上です。
dug a hole in the garden and buried a scream
Tuesday, February 10th, 2026 10:22 pmwychwoodCandle update: my candle parcel sat in the depot for ten days and then they emailed me to say that I was being refunded. At no point did anyone say anything about trying to deliver it. Also, they don't re-send undelivered parcels and the sale is over so I can't re-order without paying a bunch more money. I did burn the candle my dad gave me, but it was horribly sooty (black snot!! it was like being in London before the congestion charge, only worse!). On the other hand, it also burned super fast (maybe eight hours total time for a candle that looked like it ought to do more like thirty), so it was over fast. Now I'm back to the IKEA tea lights.
Sunday night I went to see Florence + the Machine, and that was fabulous. I wasn't, like, super hyped up by it, but it was deeply engrossing somehow; the gig went by really fast, and her music is just so good. She didn't do either of the songs I was really hoping for ("You Can Have It All" and "Kraken") but everything she did do was great. The stage show was great. And the mixing wasn't terrible - like, pop gigs always seem to be mixed so that you can feel the bass in every individual bone in your body but also can't hear the lyrics, and that was absolutely a problem for the opening act (Paris Paloma) who seemed cool and might be good except I couldn't actually hear her. But Florence was mostly audible. Of course, with a voice like that she has an advantage...
I had Monday off to recover after the late night (concert finish: about 22:45; reached car park around 23:00; left car park around 23:45... always so great) but was back at work today. On Friday I finally finished a horrible task I'd been putting off, so now I'm trying to catch up with the eight million other things I'd been ignoring; I managed to empty my inbox, but only by moving everything into a new set of folders so that I only have to confront one set of them at a time. Also deleted a lot of duplicates (emails from earlier in a chain, etc), things relating to the Horrible Task, and so on, so the many folders only have about 80 emails left instead of the 150 I started the morning with. Then I realised that there's a whole new Horrible Task with a tight timeline, so that's going to be fun for tomorrow.
But I did achieve some small household tasks, cleared out a few personal emails, and only ignored reality to lie in bed with a book a little bit this evening. Maybe I'll even manage the washing up before I go to sleep, it could happen.
Sunday night I went to see Florence + the Machine, and that was fabulous. I wasn't, like, super hyped up by it, but it was deeply engrossing somehow; the gig went by really fast, and her music is just so good. She didn't do either of the songs I was really hoping for ("You Can Have It All" and "Kraken") but everything she did do was great. The stage show was great. And the mixing wasn't terrible - like, pop gigs always seem to be mixed so that you can feel the bass in every individual bone in your body but also can't hear the lyrics, and that was absolutely a problem for the opening act (Paris Paloma) who seemed cool and might be good except I couldn't actually hear her. But Florence was mostly audible. Of course, with a voice like that she has an advantage...
I had Monday off to recover after the late night (concert finish: about 22:45; reached car park around 23:00; left car park around 23:45... always so great) but was back at work today. On Friday I finally finished a horrible task I'd been putting off, so now I'm trying to catch up with the eight million other things I'd been ignoring; I managed to empty my inbox, but only by moving everything into a new set of folders so that I only have to confront one set of them at a time. Also deleted a lot of duplicates (emails from earlier in a chain, etc), things relating to the Horrible Task, and so on, so the many folders only have about 80 emails left instead of the 150 I started the morning with. Then I realised that there's a whole new Horrible Task with a tight timeline, so that's going to be fun for tomorrow.
But I did achieve some small household tasks, cleared out a few personal emails, and only ignored reality to lie in bed with a book a little bit this evening. Maybe I'll even manage the washing up before I go to sleep, it could happen.
The Cuddled Little Vice, by Elizabeth Sandifer – I’m nominating it for the Best Related Work Hugo
Tuesday, February 10th, 2026 05:38 pmfromtheheartofeurope_feedThird paragraph (there are no sections):
And so it was that when Karen Berger and Dick Giordano traveled to London in February 1987 to scout talent there were in fact two writers who successfully pitched to them on the back of Alan Moore’s endorsement. The first, of course, was Grant Morrison. The other was a journalist named Neil Gaiman who had struck up a friendship with Moore after interviewing him a few years earlier. And while Morrison would find no shortage of commercial success across their battles with Moore, neither of the great magi would come anywhere close to Gaiman, who is straightforwardly the most commercially successful writer ever to emerge from comics.
This is a 60,000 word essay, a single web page on Sandifer’s Eruditorum Press website. It hasn’t been published separately (though will apparently become part of Sandifer’s projected second volume of Last War in Albion, her history of the magical rivalry between Alan Moore and Grant Morrison); but I am treating it as a book for bookblogging purposes.
This is mainly because there is a strong case for nominating it in the Best Related Work category in this year’s Hugo Awards, for which nominations open this week. In general the Hugos should not celebrate last year’s controversies; but this is an analysis of the Sandman comics, and of Gaiman’s other work, especially in the graphic medium, over several decades, taking into account what we now know about Gaiman’s personal life and appalling behaviour. It’s not so much about the scandal (though it is about that), as about how Gaiman constructed his career and everything else.
It’s not framed as a hatchet job. Sandifer starts by sympathetically analysing Gaiman’s childhood in Scientology, and the abuse that he certainly suffered at the hands of his father, Britain’s leading Scientologist. She then goes on to look at the roots of Sandman, and at the high points of the story (of which there are many) and its occasionally troubled publications history.
But the pattern of exploitation and abuse of young fans, and later of other women, began pretty early on – Dave Sim refers to one of Gaiman’s convention flings in the notorious Cerebus #186, in 1992. And it’s not at all difficult to find reflections of Gaiman’s behaviour in his work. We may contain multitudes, but perhaps not all that many.
I was a fan of Neil Gaiman. My first entry in the original version of this blog was about meeting him at a signing in Brussels. I have more of his books in my LibraryThing catalogue than for any other author bar Justin Richards, Roger Zelazny and Terrance Dicks. I had generally friendly if slightly spiky correspondence with him over Hugo stuff over the years (his last time on the final ballot was my first time administering the awards in 2017, and he wrote in 2024 to ask “why Sandman Episode 6 was ruled ineligible for the Hugos at Chengdu?” – a question to which unfortunately I did not and do not know the answer).
I will find it very difficult to open any of Gaiman’s work ever again, and yet I wanted some sort of closure for myself. This essay provides it, acknowledging the high points of Gaiman’s work but linking it to the low points of his personal life. I’m lucky; I barely knew him apart from through his writing. Other friends are much more personally devastated. Sandifer ends the essay with one of Roz Kaveney’s heartfelt poems about the end of her friendship with Gaiman. Here’s another, published on 7 February 2025:
Heart is a traitor even when it breaks.
Love friendship given cannot be returned.
All that I once thought my friend was once has burned
To trash shame ruin. Even his mistakes
His sins his crimes are of a piece with all
The things I valued. His embarrassed smile
His weighted pauses. I am certain while
He fucked those girls they’d see the shutters fall
Behind his eyes. Some random witty thought
Would take him for a moment quite elsewhere.
Sometimes I want to slap him maybe swear.
He was extraordinary until caught.
All the good times, the brilliance flawed. Hearts crack.
Yet friendship given can’t be taken back.
To a greater or lesser extent, all of us who liked the man and/or his work will have felt that betrayal, and Sandifer’s essay is an important part of moving on. I’m nominating it for this year’s Hugos, and I hope that you do too.
Writing update
Tuesday, February 10th, 2026 05:11 pmheleninwalesThe Get Your Words Out challenge on DW is still proving to be motivating. It's not provided as much writerly chat as I thought it would, but perhaps that's for the best? There is the danger that you end up writing about writing rather than, you know, actually writing more words for the story.
Anyway, the first week of February has been productive. I had been worrying that I was getting the details of scenes out of order, but having written some of them, I have managed to at last get them in the right order and some do follow on from one another. I just have to keep plodding along.
Anyway, the first week of February has been productive. I had been worrying that I was getting the details of scenes out of order, but having written some of them, I have managed to at last get them in the right order and some do follow on from one another. I just have to keep plodding along.
Dental double date
Tuesday, February 10th, 2026 04:55 pmoursinI was going to say 'double whammy' but in fact the general checkup and hygienist session both went off without any undue issues.
Going down the road to get to the Tube there was some kind of filming going on round about the parade of shops opposite the playing field - I did not linger as it was entirely chokka with mysterious vehicles and equipment.
Dentist, as stated, could not find anything wrong but has recommended some Extra Speshul Toothpaste, which normally you have to have a prescription for but they were able to sell me a couple of tubes.... not literally under the counter.
New hygienist, and as is the wont of hygienists, they have their own way of doing things - I was not expecting the whooshy water thing so early in the game - and also they find something that no other hygienist has noted that one should be doing, in this case involving a rare and unusual kind of toothbrush (which I have managed to source via eBay).
I was intending combining this jaunt with a couple of errands in Camden Town.
May I say I was deeply unimpressed with what Rymans has to offer in the way of seasonal cards, I thought they would have a far large selection. Managed to find something, but, grump.
Buying something from the pharmacy counter in Boots was stuck behind somebody apparently stocking up possibly for an expedition into the wilderness.
The threatened rain did indeed come on as I emerged from Boots, I had hoped that my weather app was looking on the gloomy side.