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I agree with what this entry is saying, but I do have to wonder. Down in the comments someone asked 'after the first hundred comments, was it necessary for people to keep on telling her she was wrong?' and they replied, 'she didn't get it after the first hunded comments so yeah, people do have to keep saying it.' And I half-agree. For the uninvolved, who're more likely to be using their heads, it may be useful to read many posts before they get the one that pings with them, as in fact musesfool's entry did with me. But the actual OP? Will they be able to hear the content the hundredth time if they didn't get it the fiftieth, or will they register and react only to the level of outrage on display?
I'll mention again the therapy group I was in, and the enlightening experience of seeing people literally not understand the simplest sentence-- not be able to grasp its overt content-- if it was something they didn't want to hear. What part of 'I think you treated her badly' is incomprehensible? All of it, to the person in question. The words had no meaning for him, and he kept asking what we were saying. Not 'how am I not treating her well?' which would have indicated that something got through, but 'what do you mean?' 'I don't understand, what are you saying?'
I wish I'd bookmarked the person, some time back, who said they don't believe when someone apologizes right away for this kind of fail. Processing takes time, they said; possibly they didn't say it follows the five stages of grief, but one could argue it does, if you swap 'partial concession' for 'bargaining'. Denial, anger, 'well maybe you're right about this but you didn't have to be so personal about it', depression, acceptance. Unquestioned and entrenched attitudes don't change overnight. And if the groundwork was already in place for them to understand why, say, it was wrong to draw their illustrations using actual photographs of the actual people involved in the disaster-- err, why did they do it? From utter cluelessness to 'OMG I'm sorry what was I *thinking*??' in one day kind of boggles me. Maybe there are people who do Road to Damascus conversions, but it's not how I or anyone I've dealt with works, alas.
An overwhelming howl of protest is good-- it lets everyone know that yeah, it's not just a few people who are having problems with a work. Establishes and confirms norms and values. But expecting a complete and immediate turnaround on the offender's part is, at the very least, unrealistic; and like the poster mentioned in the preceding paragraph, I'm not quite sure I believe it when it happens.
Oh, and in case metafandom doesn't read my user's info, no you may not link this.
I'll mention again the therapy group I was in, and the enlightening experience of seeing people literally not understand the simplest sentence-- not be able to grasp its overt content-- if it was something they didn't want to hear. What part of 'I think you treated her badly' is incomprehensible? All of it, to the person in question. The words had no meaning for him, and he kept asking what we were saying. Not 'how am I not treating her well?' which would have indicated that something got through, but 'what do you mean?' 'I don't understand, what are you saying?'
I wish I'd bookmarked the person, some time back, who said they don't believe when someone apologizes right away for this kind of fail. Processing takes time, they said; possibly they didn't say it follows the five stages of grief, but one could argue it does, if you swap 'partial concession' for 'bargaining'. Denial, anger, 'well maybe you're right about this but you didn't have to be so personal about it', depression, acceptance. Unquestioned and entrenched attitudes don't change overnight. And if the groundwork was already in place for them to understand why, say, it was wrong to draw their illustrations using actual photographs of the actual people involved in the disaster-- err, why did they do it? From utter cluelessness to 'OMG I'm sorry what was I *thinking*??' in one day kind of boggles me. Maybe there are people who do Road to Damascus conversions, but it's not how I or anyone I've dealt with works, alas.
An overwhelming howl of protest is good-- it lets everyone know that yeah, it's not just a few people who are having problems with a work. Establishes and confirms norms and values. But expecting a complete and immediate turnaround on the offender's part is, at the very least, unrealistic; and like the poster mentioned in the preceding paragraph, I'm not quite sure I believe it when it happens.
Oh, and in case metafandom doesn't read my user's info, no you may not link this.
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I think what I'm mostly reacting to is the expectation, on the part of some commentators, that protest will be and should be followed by immediate apology and retraction. That may well happen with less stunning kinds of fail-- a slip into tone argument, a European not knowing that her character concept embodies a stereotype in America-- where the OP is basically on the same page as the protesters in terms of values. But massive fail of the Haiti story sort indicates some basic 'never even occurred to me' stuff that, well, isn't going to change overnight. I'm a little iffy about immediate and seamless apologies under those circumstances. If the offender Gets It that fast, why didn't she get it before?
Also, even though anger and volume are useful and necessary as expression, it's unrealistic to expect them to be met with cool-headed uhh what the Japanese call reflection and repentance. Flailing back and hurt feelings are the normal response: the heart reacts while the head, hopefully, eventually makes itself heard. So yeah- pissy flounce strikes me as to be expected, not proof that the person involved is hopelessly preterite. OTOH-- well, one gets tired of dealing with idiots, yes; and at a basic level 'Oh shut up already' is a more natural reaction than altruistic concern that this one stray lamb be brought to see the light.
(Also, hugs and hopes that things will turn around for you soon.)
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