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flemmings ([personal profile] flemmings) wrote2006-11-13 09:42 pm
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Various shades of fannish aargh.

I couldn't remember whether I'd got me six months of Gangan and twelve of ZeroSum or vice versa. Alas, it's not v-v: today's Gangan included a little note about how my subscription was running out and please to be contacting Iwase on the matter. Today's Gangan damn damn damn also included: Servis wondering where the fuck Jan had got to, Jan finally showing up again, information on how the Blue Clan reproduces (without women: test-tube babies) and the mysterious man whose photo Magic ripped apart a few eps back. His name is Mischa and we are clearly in for more back story and possibly some link-up between Papuwa and Channel 5 (tremble tremble ohh noooo.) Old addictions never die; they just come back to put the squeeze on you one more time.

Twenty dollars a month for another six months just to get one series. What I need is some demented devoted FMA fan who'd like to split the cost with me. I get Papuwa and they get anything else their little hearts desire.

And I know, I just know, because Shibata acts like this, that there'll be an ep or two of mysterious Mischa and then five eps of weird animals and bad puns with Rikiddo and Umako.

Otherwise I am not writing and should be. It's true, as the unpleasant but accurate metaphor has it- not writing when you're a fan is like eating without shitting. It all kind of psychically backs up inside you and makes you logey and ill-humoured. It's just that I don't like anything I'm writing now: I don't think it has any intrinsic value and am certain that it isn't worth the pain it takes to produce it. But this still leaves me fretful and unsettled.

Now if I were writing I might enjoy my current reading, which is (English) the leisurely my god is it leisurely Master and Commander, and (Japanese) the frothy and obscurely irritating Daisan no Teikoku/ Third Reich. Both are things I Ought To Read. Both are things I'd probably enjoy more if I read faster. I do like M&C and I do admire the perverse way O'Brian takes his own sweet time to tell his story, and the denseness of his historical and daily life and linguistic minutiae. OTOH-- I won't say it's about a *boat* ferchrissake, but I will say, it's written by a guy. Aubrey/Maturin seems obvious from page 24 or thereabouts (of my very small-print edition) but I know I'm not going to get it. And that at the rate I read I'll still be working my way through this one come Christmas.

[identity profile] kickinpants.livejournal.com 2006-11-14 04:27 am (UTC)(link)
M&c is sooooo slow. I liked it. Especially the dialogue, but I couldn't finish vol.1. :(

I understand the not-writing = something wrong feeling. I've been feeling it for months. I even got a few paragraphs out on Saturday, but then it vanished. It's sucky. :(

Fight on though! We shall overcome! (And what's gangan?)

[identity profile] flemmings.livejournal.com 2006-11-14 04:51 am (UTC)(link)
Sucky sucky sucky. weeps. Yes.

Gangan is a long-standing Enix monthly magazine, related to the G-Fantasy that Saiyuuki first ran in (G for Gangan, I believe), that hosts FMA and Papuwa and because of the first is immensely successful. About two and a half inches thick and immensely heavy.
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] flemmings.livejournal.com 2006-11-15 12:01 am (UTC)(link)
Self-doubt, precisely. It doesn't help to tell myself no one will ever see what I write- I can write unmitigated crap if I like. I just hate that moment of opening up the Word document and seeing my inadequacies staring me in the face. Fine if I'm inspired and someone else is doing the thinking. At the moment I'm just me. *I* have to come up with the ideas, *I* have to find the words to express them, *I* have to give a shape to the thing: and I just don't feel up to it.
ext_28320: ((Sanzo) If you can't be kind...be vague.)

[identity profile] fuzzy-carpet.livejournal.com 2006-11-15 07:09 pm (UTC)(link)
It's true, as the unpleasant but accurate metaphor has it- not writing when you're a fan is like eating without shitting. It all kind of psychically backs up inside you and makes you logey and ill-humoured.

So true that I'm both laughing and nodding my head in total agreement. (No wonder I've been irregular as of late -- I thought it was just my diet.) Doesn't help matters that my fandom of the moment has been swinging back and forth like a drunken pendulum, alternating between bouts of mad squee and rounds of furious wank. Sucks the creativity out like a crazy straw thrust into my skull. *sigh*

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.

[identity profile] flemmings.livejournal.com 2006-11-15 07:33 pm (UTC)(link)
(glum) Nothing disinclines me to write more than fandom behaving like fandom. When things are smooth and happy there's at least the incentive of doing something to add to the general joy. When they're not- 'do I want to write anything that *they'll* be reading? Bunch of madmen and drunkards. Fergeddit.'