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It's not that I'm wholly unfamiliar with how the axiom Children should be seen and not heard works in practice, it's just that it, like many Chinese/ dragonish/ royal customs, is contra-intuitive and has to be thought through: partly because my Sino-Japanese dragons have respect levels in their language and English doesn't. Young dragons attend their father at table to learn the customs of gentlemen and do not take part in the conversation of whatever other adult relatives and guests are present. If your royal father addresses a question to you, you answer in the polite fashion you normally speak to him in. What do you do however when your royal and somewhat unconventional uncle asks you a question? Request Papa's permission before answering or not?

(There /are/ worse ways to spend time before work than this. Paying bills, for instance.)

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I would say it depends which is more important; proper behaviour to guests, or proper behaviour to parent. If the first, then you answer politely; if the second, then you look to father to see if you're permitted to reply? (Unless proper behaviour to guest is expressed through proper behaviour to parent, in which case you look to your father for permission to answer in any case.)

Proper behaviour to parent, surely? This is China (more-or-less) not Japan (more-or-less) and Father trumps everything unless the other person is vastly his superior: which Father's younger brothers aren't.

(Now suppose it's /Father's/ uncle who asks the question. Hmmm.)

It seems much of the answer would depend on the age of the child and the question asked, wouldn't it?

If the uncle if father's younger brother, then

1) one looks to one's father first, either subtly if older or openly if younger. The problem with this is that looking to one's father, depending on age and how it's done, can be proper filial behavior or can be a open slap at the uncle
2) one wonders what's up with the uncle that he asks a question in front of one's father which puts one in doubt as to whether one should answer (in front of one's father)
3) hope like hell one's father answers for one if the question is at all politically sensitive rather than just quirky

In general, I think deference to parent doesn't completely trump deference to family. So if it were father's older brother, father's uncle, or father's father asking the question, the behavior and the interpretations of the behavior would be somewhat different.

Oh yes, and hedge. The more ambiguous the answer, the less trouble one's going to get into. In fact, if one can quote a snippet of famous ambiguous poetry that sounds like it applies, one can score scholarship points, get off the hook on having to actually answer the question, and amuse the adults enough to maybe let one escape to the playroom all in one stroke. LOL!

In this case, almost adult son is answering a question about a member of his own generation, concerning whom he may have information that the older generation does not. As for what's up, well, Uncle Goushou is not a stickler for punctilio like Papa; he acts on his feelings and has always been allowed to get away with it.

Remember that Papa is also the high king. I've always assumed this meant a certain balancing act when Papa's uncle is around- respect for the senior generation balancing the courtesy due a king.

An older child and a non-politically sensitive question probably translates into a discrete glance at father to see if there are any objections followed by an appropriately censored answer. After all, don't want to expose the adults to things they shouldn't be exposed to.

The old Chinese have this lovely habit of pausing in their conversations. American conversations tend to run onto the tails of each other sentences, every one is so eager to participate and express their opinions. Chinese do that too, but there is another way where one pauses decorously in speech to give the others a chance to say something and one pauses decorously before answering a question, as if the question was of great import and deserved a deliberated response.

Something like that would give a child time to gague reactions and still maintain proper courtesy? See that huang mei opera, if I recall correctly it does the pause and then speak thing rather nicely.

I'd say discreet glance at father before answering, then, and a hesitation (as below) so that father can comment before you speak, if it is something that it would be improper for you to answer and shouldn't really have been asked of you in the first place.

There's nothing improper about the question- the assumption is that the younger generation will know each other better than the older does, and Kaiei is being asked his opinion on a matter neither Dad nor Uncle have much knowledge of. Kaiei is also within days of being formally a man and exempt from the strictest 'seen and not heard' dictates.

The only iffy part might be that it's Goushou who does the asking rather than Goukou, but that's Goushou all over. I did wonder if punctilio required some tacit permission from Papa to speak when asked a question by someone else; and clearly it does.

Yes and no. A familiar and friendly uncle is likely to have blanket permission just by being a frequent visitor and a well known figure of affection.

Ah, good. I'm assuming there's a range of permissible behaviours depending on family customs and personality of the parents, rather as over here. (Well, Europe maybe. Over here seems to run to Child Is King IME.) Goukou seems the kind to want manners from his children but not constraint.

Fu fu fu. Topical reference materials: here (http://www.mccord-museum.qc.ca/en/keys/games/game_0/) and here (http://www.missabigail.com/).

(*ahem!* Before a lecture swings into gear about relative cultural mores, these are meant For Your Amusement, not For Your Information.)

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