flemmings | (no subject)

Mhh. So

monkeybarrel was wondering, more or less, why I don't submit my fics to Elvaron's archive. I was just going to second

mikeneko's comments about not wanting to be anywhere near a fanfic contest, but it's far more than that. Even without the contest I wouldn't want my fics archived in a publicly accessible spot.

First, because they're out of date. Most of them were written four years ago and more, and even at my advanced age I find myself changing so much over time that I'm now someone quite different from the person I was in 2001. To me the stories are curios- relics of what life was like in the first flush of a new fandom that was mostly manga-based and isn't at all the fandom that exists now. They have no more relevance for me. I don't mind keeping them up so people can find them if they look, but I'm not going to offer dusty goods for strangers' perusal. Gonou might be the exception; it's been pounced on by enough translators to suggest that in some sense it isn't my own work anymore, but a fannish artifact that belongs to the Saiyuuki fandom as a whole.

But I still don't want it archived. Once my fics are in an archive I have no more control over them; they're where they are and can't be removed without fuss and bother. More, they get presented in whatever form the archivist feels like presenting them, and maybe she'll preserve my italicizing or maybe she won't; and maybe she'll make the text column two inches wide and fill up the rest of the page with her clever html and graphics; and maybe she'll print the story in tiny fonts and purple letters on pink backdrop. A story in my directory looks the way I want it to be seen: black and white and nothing but text, take it or leave it. That isn't the case with other archives I've seen, except the first lamentably defunct one run by Tro.

But the final reason not to archive is the basic one: people might read my stories if they're in an archive, especially one currently being heavily publicized. I don't want to know that strangers are doing that, possibly in numbers greater than one a month. It can be deleterious enough that friends read my fic. Other writers may be different, but I find it hideously difficult to be honest to my own ideas when I know somebody else is going to read what I'm writing. I end up not saying things I might want to say- none of their business or that won't sit well; I add stuff not because it pleases me but because it will please the invisible readers; I write whole stories I wouldn't want to /read/ myself. Having an audience is bad for me; archiving my stories pretty much guarantees me an audience of some kind; and therefore I avoid archiving my stories. QED

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm just glad you make them available at all. ^_^;;

And I have to admit I enjoy ~~rummaging through~~ checking back on your site to see if any new pearls have appeared. It's always so exciting when something new appears. The thrill of the hunt! XD;; I do hope the checking's ok? I've been assuming you don't post new stories if you don't want people to read them, but maybe I've assumed too much? ^_^;;;;;;

*slinks away*

My inner writer may be missing a few screws but not so many as to say 'Yeah I'll put it online in an open directory but nonono you mustn't read it!' Check as often as you please. If you find something there then it's meant to be read by any as wishes-- and I needn't know they're doing it, is the general idea. If I don't want chance passersby reading a fic, it's inaccessible and only my flist learns about it. FWIW they're free to pass that address on to their friends privately if they like. It's the Japanese rule, basically- You can do whatever you like as long as you keep it out of public sight. Don't tell me and I won't ask you. ^_^

Ah, sorry to have brough it up. <:) I don't like contests, but it was hard for me to think about "some of the best you've seen" writing without thinking of you. I understand what you're saying though, and how you want your work seen is the most important. If you don't feel comfortable, then it's not worth it.

No prob; you just got me thinking. Whence comes this Jezus god you couldn't pay me reflex I feel, etc etc?

Have to say, though, that from what I've seen, for any given fandom the stuff that wins contests is *never* the best you've seen. The stuff that wins contests is eh... the highest common denominator, if you want to call it that. It's the best of what is accessable and acceptable to 90% of the fandom; and excludes anything too thoughtful, too revolutionary, too weird, or too squicky for Jane Fangirl and her Friends.

Highest common denominator- that's it in a nutshell. Irreproachable, and for that reason generally without great interest.

But the final reason not to archive is the basic one: people might read my stories if they're in an archive

This is the one that makes the most sense to me. Although I suspect this demonstrates some sort of weirdness on my part. ^^;

(Even so, the Reader Who Would Be Me does want to know the wheres and whens of updates. And she is perfectly willing to insist that she hasn't read anything at all. Not a thing. Nope.)

On the other paw, some of the weirdness really is just you, y'know? I click these links and see that one you've classified as 'unreadable' is one that I happen to like (a lot). Or rather, I would have liked it (a lot) if I'd read it. Which I haven't. Because no reading has been going on here, nope. And thus I feel fully justified in pelting you with squooshy tomatoes -- p'haps with parsley to garnish -- for having informed me that I have such bad taste (or would have).

Fanfic contests, malgre good intentions, invariably wind up generating ill-feelings. I expect this one will be no different. *shrug*

If you're on my fl then I know you're reading. No need to hide behind the foliage. I'm OK with it or you wouldn't be on the flist.

But I didn't mean those stories were unreadable, a word I keep for works that talk about saphhire orbs and that confuse its and it's and your and you're. They just leave me cold as a reading experience, like a piece of technical writing I might have churned out. I like to have some emotional connection to my stories, and when I (at least) write for kudos and the fans panting to see 58, the connection isn't there.