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Why my stories never get written
So two years ago while writing Kaiei's adventures at the Southern Ocean I added a footnote to myself that one enchanted evening Kaiei will see Pipang across a crowded room and swoon in delight. Because Kaiei At The S.O. got stuck, last year I wrote a thousand or so words exploring the slightly comic fallout of Kaiei swooning in delight over Pipang. This year because Kaiei At The S.O. is still stuck I wrote several hundred words of the sequel to it, where Goukou and Goushou are snarking at each other in a series of letters over a diplomatic move of Goukou's that is distinctly not to either of his brothers' advantage.
The snarking came to have a nasty personal tone because, I finally realized, it's based on the unstated resentment, on both sides, attendant upon Kaiei having swooned over Pipang.
Goushou believes Goukou resents the fact that Goushou wouldn't share his favourite with Kaiei even though Kaiei naturally never asked him to do so. He can't say that to Goukou's face but he's thinking it hard. Goukou thinks Goushou is making difficulties in diplomatic areas because of his belief that Goukou resents him not sharing his favourite with Kaiei. Goukou of course knows that such an improper idea never crossed his mind, never did and never will: and anyway why *wouldn't* Goushou share Pipang with Kaiei? Goushou having a favourite made Kaiei miserable, and worse, Kaiei is miserable not only because he's in love but because his feelings have made life difficult for his uncle so he's doubly miserable, and that fact of course is also Goushou's fault, and even more unforgivable when Goushou owes Kaiei for clearing up his own domestic problems. If Goushou didn't have favourites that Goukou's son falls miserably in love withand who take Goukou's place as first in Goushou's affections, Goukou's son wouldn't be made to suffer so miserably, hence Goushou should not have such favourites, or if he does he should share them.
But he doesn't think any of that at all. And maybe he doesn't: maybe Goushou only thinks he does.
If you're having trouble keeping all that straight, you can see why I'm having trouble writing this. And this morning, suddenly, the idea comes What if Kaiei doesn't swoon in delight on seeing Pipang? Or more precisely, what if he swoons in a proper self-contained Kaiei fashion while someone else- like Gouen- makes all the little passive-aggressive difficulties over Goushou's greediness with his enchanting favourite? This solves many problems, the generational ones not least (and the need for various people to lie to themselves about what's happening so as to blink the basic generational issues.) It also returns us to my very first version of the event, which echoed the young Yao Kuan in Karin first losing his adolescent heart to the Pearl Spirit and silently longing for her ever after. Err, and going to war against his uncle when his uncle seduces the Pearl Spirit- who has to marry the King, so his uncle tries to take the throne from Yao Kuan to ensure the PS stays his- and ultimately killing said uncle in battle, thus losing Pearl Spirit's good will forever. Mhh well, maybe we needn't go that far.
The only solution I can think of to this quandary is to write a 100 Demons story. Since both 100 Demons stories are also currently stuck, the only other solution seems to be to read Imaro. Or go in to work a few hours early. Which I may do: babies have many uses, and distraction is one of the chief.
(Well, I *could* do an lj poll. But I wouldn't feel bound by it, which makes it pointless; or possibly I would, which is worse. Anyway I get a bit twitchy when people do lj polls over What should I write? or How should I write? "Decide for me, o friendslist!" It contravenes some tenet of my religion, only I haven't figured out which one. Probably the one about 'The Muse alone must guide you.' Argh. Worse and worse. I go to play with the babies.)
The snarking came to have a nasty personal tone because, I finally realized, it's based on the unstated resentment, on both sides, attendant upon Kaiei having swooned over Pipang.
Goushou believes Goukou resents the fact that Goushou wouldn't share his favourite with Kaiei even though Kaiei naturally never asked him to do so. He can't say that to Goukou's face but he's thinking it hard. Goukou thinks Goushou is making difficulties in diplomatic areas because of his belief that Goukou resents him not sharing his favourite with Kaiei. Goukou of course knows that such an improper idea never crossed his mind, never did and never will: and anyway why *wouldn't* Goushou share Pipang with Kaiei? Goushou having a favourite made Kaiei miserable, and worse, Kaiei is miserable not only because he's in love but because his feelings have made life difficult for his uncle so he's doubly miserable, and that fact of course is also Goushou's fault, and even more unforgivable when Goushou owes Kaiei for clearing up his own domestic problems. If Goushou didn't have favourites that Goukou's son falls miserably in love with
But he doesn't think any of that at all. And maybe he doesn't: maybe Goushou only thinks he does.
If you're having trouble keeping all that straight, you can see why I'm having trouble writing this. And this morning, suddenly, the idea comes What if Kaiei doesn't swoon in delight on seeing Pipang? Or more precisely, what if he swoons in a proper self-contained Kaiei fashion while someone else- like Gouen- makes all the little passive-aggressive difficulties over Goushou's greediness with his enchanting favourite? This solves many problems, the generational ones not least (and the need for various people to lie to themselves about what's happening so as to blink the basic generational issues.) It also returns us to my very first version of the event, which echoed the young Yao Kuan in Karin first losing his adolescent heart to the Pearl Spirit and silently longing for her ever after. Err, and going to war against his uncle when his uncle seduces the Pearl Spirit- who has to marry the King, so his uncle tries to take the throne from Yao Kuan to ensure the PS stays his- and ultimately killing said uncle in battle, thus losing Pearl Spirit's good will forever. Mhh well, maybe we needn't go that far.
The only solution I can think of to this quandary is to write a 100 Demons story. Since both 100 Demons stories are also currently stuck, the only other solution seems to be to read Imaro. Or go in to work a few hours early. Which I may do: babies have many uses, and distraction is one of the chief.
(Well, I *could* do an lj poll. But I wouldn't feel bound by it, which makes it pointless; or possibly I would, which is worse. Anyway I get a bit twitchy when people do lj polls over What should I write? or How should I write? "Decide for me, o friendslist!" It contravenes some tenet of my religion, only I haven't figured out which one. Probably the one about 'The Muse alone must guide you.' Argh. Worse and worse. I go to play with the babies.)
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Ahahaha! This is why I like to play with Darian and Shahrazad ...they're wonderful distractions sometimes far too good at that...but I don't mind, I don't mind at all!
^_____^
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I wouldn't do it if the muse weren't at loose ends anyway.
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So, would Pipang respond, "Sure, I'll sleep with Kaiei. You, Goushou, are my fave, and I'm pleased as pink(!) that you've visited my sweet shack by the waterfall(TM). The bedroom, as you know, is this way."?
I'm just wondering how you would broach that. Or could Goushou get away with "He's mine, bitches. My waterfall. Mine."
(Does Pipang also feel/get possessive, or is he more fluid, like his waterfall?)
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(See my next post. *This* is the reason people shouldn't be made to get up before they're awake. OTOH morning free association does provide some lovely ideas.)
Ah yes. My thoughts on polyamory, let me show you them:
Err well, basically Pipang *knows* that favourites are for sharing. When a noble/ king and his guest want a threesome form, naturally it's the king's favourite who is #3. Mark of respect to the guest, mark of honour to the favourite, everyone happy. Same presumably applies if guest would like an evening alone with favourite. Pipang is happy to make Goushou happy however he can, so if Goushou wants to show his gratitude to Kaiei via Pipang, then fine. Nothing more suitable bar the slight generation problem, which Kaiei's rank may dispense with anyway. Pipang is also happy to feel himself more in mainstream dragon life.
OTOH Pipang was brought up in a trailer and is afraid he'll use the wrong fork at the Buck House banquet, and this will naturally reflect badly on Goushou, so the idea of partnering a prince fills him with trepidation. Also he doesn't lie below, for reasons he doesn't want to say, they being that he was brought up in a trailer. Equally, favourites qua favourites are members of court, ocean dragons who fit into an ocean dragon hierarchy- and Pipang is a commoner land dragon who feels basically that he doesn't fit into this system. And somewhere at the bottom of this is a conviction that other people's attraction to him is only because of his rarity, and he wants to be wanted for himself, so there's a certain- not resentment, but constraint at the notion of partnering someone who only cares what colour he is.
Goushou of course is all "He's mine, bitches. My waterfall. Mine." Goukou doesn't understand this: Goushou was quite happy to share the Marquis, after all. Goushou can only mutter It's not the *same*. And it isn't the same, partly for all the reasons listed above, and partly because losing the Marquis has convinced Goushou that he can't hold on to anything because the world will contrive to take it away from him and he's not going to let the world have Pipang if he can help it. And Goukou is all Well no one *asked* you to share your favourite, who asked you to share your favourite, not me and not Kaiei, I perfectly understand if you want to play at being Shanten-oh and Rinshu in your adolescent romantic fashion, so what's all the fuss about? Which doesn't help, naturally.
I think I need to do a meme of the stories I'd write if I didn't have an audience and was writing just for myself, as I keep claiming I do ad nauseam.